Monday, May 18, 2015


See! The winter is past;
    the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
    the season of singing has come.
-Song of Songs 2: 11-12


The seasons change whether we want them to or not. Sometimes we're longing for change and it feels like it will never come. Other times life is so busy a new season is upon us and we never even noticed the old one depart.

There is so much change going on in our little family right now. I go back and forth between yearning for the next step and feeling that bittersweet tug of wanting everything to stay the same. 

My boy is getting so big. He sleeps in his own bed. He feeds himself. He explores the world around him. He doesn't need me for sustenance or security like he used to. Our days are crazy, but routine and predictability have brought a peacefulness. I can feel us making room in our lives for a change, a new little family member. I'm really enjoying this time with Johnny, and cherishing the calm before the inevitable chaos that having two will bring. 

My teaching year has come to an end. My students and I gave a recital last weekend, the music of which is still running through my head. I said good bye to some students, others I will see again in the fall. Now I can exhale and enjoy a slower paced summer. I'm downsizing my studio in preparation for the new baby. It's been harder and harder to switch back and forth between my mommy brain and my working brain.  I'm feeling more and more that this is the season of my life that should be devoted to motherhood, and I'm ok with letting other things go, for now. 

Our biggest change happened last week. Friday was Alex's last day of work at a company he has been with for 13 years. A very long and significant season of his life is over. He's leaving the job we met at, the job we started dating at. This job saw us through the beginning of our marriage, the purchase of our house and the birth of our son. He's leaving security and familiarity and starting something totally new. This is a new season and a new adventure; one that we're embarking on together.

We went to visit Alex on his last day.
This change was no surprise. In fact it has been three years in the making. Prerequisites, night classes, weekends spent studying, the GRE, grad school applications and interviews, hours and days and months of preparation have all gone into this. It felt like we would be in the season of preparing forever. But now it's over and the next season is here. Two weeks of staycation and then Alex will be a full time PA student. 

We have no idea what that will look like. 

But I know it's what's supposed to happen.

These flowers arrived on our porch Saturday, a token of thanks from Alex's boss.


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