Monday, October 10, 2016

A Mother's Act of Contrition

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for all the yelling I did today,
For losing my patience more times that I can remember,
For rolling my eyes, and slamming doors,
And forgetting that they're just babies, and they don't know any better.

I'm sorry for failing to be a good partner to my husband,
For blaming him when my day is difficult,
As if his day spent with other adults is somehow responsible for my children's terrible naps.
And for forgetting that we are in this parenting thing together.

I'm sorry for choosing to do bad, and failing to do good.
For being selfish instead of serving,
For trying to escape instead of being present,
For seeking earthly comfort instead of Heavenly treasure.

I know that these things grieve Your heart, and I know that I don't deserve Your mercy.

But I know that You still love me.
Because after my child threw the most epic of tantrums,
And after he spent three minutes in the time-out chair,
I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and say I love you.

In these moments I can see what it must be like for You to love me through all my faults and failings.
Nothing my child could do could make me love him any less,
Even though sometimes he makes me want to pull my hair out.
I'm so grateful that this is only a shadow of what Your love for me must be like.

Help me, with Your grace, to start again, O Lord.
Help me, with Your grace, to see every hardship as an opportunity to share Your cross.
Help me, with Your grace, to remember my children are the sheep You have asked me to feed, the mission field you have placed me in.
Help me, with Your grace, to give myself to my family, even as You gave Yourself for us.
Help me, with Your grace, to love the way You love me.

Amen



24 comments:

  1. I love this, Anna. Thank you for sharing your heart. I know this will resonate with a lot of mothers. ❤️

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  2. Sigh!I've made this act many times myself. I'm reminded of what my spiritual director told me when I was pregnant with my first child and told him that I wasn't prepared to have children because I wasn't holy enough yet. He told me my children will make me holy. This is how it works. Bless you!

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    1. That is so true! I definitely feel like my children are making me holier, which is good, I need it. But sometimes it's hard!

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  3. Bless. This will be printed and pasted to the refrigerator. Thank you for giving me words when I'm at a loss!

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    1. Your're so welcome Sara. I'm glad this is meaningful for your spiritual life.

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  4. I love this so much, Anna. I might need to print a copy for myself as well. Love to you, thank you for sharing your heart.

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  5. Amazing, thank you for putting into words what I feel every night.

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  6. Love this so much Anna. And happy birthday Trix!

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  7. A facebook link led me here and it is just what I needed today. So much grace. thank you!

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    1. Thank you for reading! I'm so glad you were blessed by this.

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  8. Thank you for this! A friend shared your prayer yesterday and I loved it. Came back today to print it out and place it where I can pray it every day. I so needed this!! Mothering has been rough these days. The littles are fighting all the time, I feel like I'm screaming all the time, and because of that, I feel like I'm failing. I needed this remember I can say, I'm sorry, I'll pray again and I'll try again!

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    1. I'm so with you, mothering is hard. When I feel like I'm spinning out of control it is so helpful to reset with a prayer of "I'm sorry, and I need You're grace." Glad you found this helpful.

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  10. Tears reading this. I desire so much to be better for them, yet I always seem to fall short. I'm keeping this close by. Thank you.

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  11. I'm printing this out and putting it somewhere I can see it everyday! Thank you for putting it all into words for us.

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  12. Anna, this has touched me so deeply and put words to how I feel at times. Would you mind if I post this in our ACTS page?
    Thanks,
    Nina

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